Does it get easier?

Well, does it? You know the hustle and bustle of having a family---a full house. One day it all comes to a halt---a screeching one and for once you realize---I don't want that quietness and alone time I have craved all these years. A quiet house? Really? Rooms I don't even go in. Doors that aren't opened for days maybe weeks at a time. Me? Never. But, that is what my life has morphed into. A kind of "in-between" phase. In-between "being" and not knowing what I am supposed to be. I have mothered for 19 plus years. It's now down to my daughter and my husband. How different this all is than what I planned, than what I anticipated. When will I be able to quickly pass by the baby aisle at Target and not stop to ponder, even for half a second, what that dress or this outfit might look like on...It didn't happen tonight I can tell you that. Why do the tears come so easily? Why does the life I am to live now feel so hard.
My desires aren't bad ones. Having more children. Blessing others. For now, I am going to let Abba Father hold me. He is my Daddy. He is ALL I need. A very very good friend reminded me tonight that I don't NEED anything to make me happy, I have HIM---God, He is all I need. So I will feel these raw emotions and at the same time really try to trust the one who put me here. It's not for naught. I know my Savior LIVES and it is because of him I live.
Amen.